What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
