If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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