Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
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