some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
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