high people should be assigned attendants
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
