You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
