matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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