if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
