dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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