I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
