Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
