So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
