Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
