You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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