I just pynch a tree in the face
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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