i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
