dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
