cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
is wine microwaveable?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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