I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I will pee on everything he values.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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