I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
