Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
