You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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