Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
there is puke in my bra ... again
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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