do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
