Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
