Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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