Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
