I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
