just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
