it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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