Quick, to the slutcave!
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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