My brain says no but my pants say off.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
