the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Brb crying the tears of my youth
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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