so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
