Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
