Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
