Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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