the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
