I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
