i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
