people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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