Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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