His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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