Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
