Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
