nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
