Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
