What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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