you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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