Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
