hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
