better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
