I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
