Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
